Mike Shannon's Raw Review (Sept. 21, 2009)
Posted on Sep 21, 2009 by Mike Shannon
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WWE RAW (September 21, 2009)
by: Mike Shannon (DLman91@hotmail.com)
-LIVE from Little Rock, Arkansas home of.....um....yeah.
-Note: This is also Lilian Garcia's last Raw episode, meaning that next week will be the first time in almost 10 years that Raw will have a new permanent ring announcer.
-17-time Oscar winner Cedric the Entertainer arrives via limo with various wacky characters...and that's the segment.
HHH vs. Cody Rhodes
Hunter is fresh off getting booed at the Floyd Mayweather press conference for doing his DX shtick, so he should be fun to watch. DX proclaim their Hell in the Cell dominance before the match in a "meh" promo. Michael Cole shows his stupidity again by proclaiming even Steve Austin couldn't make DX tap out. I wasn't aware that Austin had such dominant submission moves that used to dominate the promotion.
A DiBiase distraction allows Cody to beat Hunter down but he misses a charge and his shoulder hits the post. HHH isn't dumb, so he tosses Cody back into the post two more times before locking on a Crippler Crossface. He baseball slides both heels into the ringside barrier and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
On par with The Godfather and Citizen Kane
We're back with Cody hitting a swinging neckbreaker for two and DiBiase throws in a cheap shot for good measure, getting another near fall. A HHH comeback is stopped by a russian leg sweep for another two and Cody grabs a resthold before hitting a nice moonsault for two. HHH manages to backdrop Cody to the floor to get a break. On the outside, Cody slaps HBK and runs him right into DiBiase's trap. The Legacy beatdown on Shawn takes him out and, back in, DiBiase nails HHH with a chair to draw the DQ.
Winner by DQ: HHH
-Post-match, the beatdown on HHH draws some decent heel heat and they actually try to Pillmanize Hunter's head, but Shawn runs them off with a sledgehammer. I liked the angle afterwards and the match was standard TV fare. **1/4
-And yes, "pillmanize" is a word because it's in the urban dictionary...http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pillmanize. So there.
So awesome he managed to bang your sister even though he's dead.
-Lilian intros Cedric the Entertainer who expresses that we have the son of Bob "Thorton" and Mark Henry is now the Kool Aid Man. Santino joins us to plug Cedric's new DVD and express his desire to do stand-up. He, of course, sucks and I think the segment is about to end before Chavo comes out for some more humiliation. Guerrero gets pissed and challenges Cedric, who plugs a website and an argument with KEL MITCHELL!?!?
SERIOUSLY?!?!
-Santino accepts the challenge on Cedric's behalf and gives Chavo another chance to lose to someone and bury him further.
-Backstage, The Miz shows off his US title and makes some Jamaican jokes before Kofi attacks from behind and steals his title back. Well, that didn't last long.
Evan Bourne vs. The Miz
They jockey for position until Bourne hits a dropkick but quickly gets crotched on the top rope and takes a stiff kick to the face for two. Miz stomps him Bourne down but whiffs on a clothesline and gets rolled up for two. Miz recovers with a neckbreaker for two then goes back to a double underhook. He drags Bourne out to the apron and lays in some shots before getting two back in the middle of the ring. Bourne fights out of another submission and makes the comeback but takes the Miz Clothesline in the corner, sold nicely. Miz gets caught going up top and gets bought down with a hurricanrana. Bourne tries Air Bourne but misses (and actually LANDS ON HIS FEET~!) and gets hit with the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
Winner: The Miz
-Evan Bourne is going to waste so much it's not even funny. However, I'm all for continuing to push the Miz so long as he's allowed to have a voice and not be "generic heel #5" on the show. **1/2
-Backstage, Orton gives Legacy the rest of the night off.
Contract Signing
Randy Orton and John Cena
These contract signs always remind me of a segment on All American Wrestling on Saturday morning. Orton promises he's really dangerous and awesome and amazing...and Cena is his usual joker self. Yak, yak, yak, Cena is great, Orton is better, yada yada yada. Orton eventually laments he cannot beat Cena up (there's a no physicality rule tonight) so Orton calls out Jericho and Big Show.
Cena gets beat down by the tag champs until MVP and Mark Henry save him. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen next? Right on cue, Cedric the Entertainer appears and makes a 6-man for later.
Raw creative team 5 minutes before showtime
Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix
Alicia Fox is ringside to provide more cleavage. Beth, as usual, overpowers her to start but Mickie hits a neckbreaker and puts Beth on the floor with a dropkick. Mickie follows with a dive from the top, drawing the attention of Alicia, and allowing Beth time to recover and drive Mickie into the post. Back inside, Beth hits the Glam Slam for the win. OK, then.
Winner: Beth Phoenix
-Short as hell. * Is it wrong that I keep looking at Mickie's boobs not because they are large but because I want to see if one is deflated?
United States Title
Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger
They go back and forth with some stuff and Swagger blocks a tornado DDT before hitting Kofi with a mafia kick. The Miz makes a pest of himself again and tries to steal the title, but this time Swagger blasts him from behind and steals the title himself and walks out. Que?
Winner by Count Out: Kofi Kingston
-DUD...what was the point of that?
Chavo Guerrero vs. Cedric the Entertainer
Santino Marella is installed as the special guest referee. Cedric has a cape and lucha libre mask to really amp up the comedy value (I'm sure the Mexican legends the Guerrero family appreciate the mask as well). Chavo STOMPS THE HAT which causes Cedric to hide under the ring. When he comes out the other side he is clearly much bigger. Inside, Chavo gets dominated while Santino acts all confused until Hornswoggle splashes him and the real Cedric gets the pin.
Winner: Cedric the Entertainer
-This show gets more and more like WCW each and every day. -**
-Next week, the guest host is Rev. Al Sharpton. What the hell? Are they just picking people I despise just to piss me off? I hope he gets booed out of the arena.
-Backstage, Cedric hits on Kelly Kelly but is interrupted by Jeri-Show.
-Jerry Lawler thanks Lilian Garcia for 10 years of service and she gives a nice little speech. A very classy exit in a business that's far too short on them.
Classy girls wear small bikinis...remember that
Six Man Tag
Randy Orton, Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. John Cena, Mark Henry & MVP
If the heels lose, Orton is against all 3 faces next week in a gauntlet match. However, if the heels win it's Cena in that place. Match starts at about 11pm, so it's not gonna get much time. A Jericho cheapshot allows Orton to control Cena in the heel corner and a Cena comeback is ended by a powerslam and a kneedrop. Big Show and Jericho switch off on Cena but Orton comes in and walks into a belly to belly for the double KO.
Hot tag to MVP allows him to clean house on Jericho and do his usual stuff but the Ballin elbow only gets two. Heel distraction allows for a Big Show cheap shot and Show comes in with a slam. MVP's comeback is ended by a clothesline and Orton gets his shots in. Jericho tags in and crotches himself against the middle rope but Orton cuts off the tag. MVP catches Randy with his head down and gets the hot tag to Mizark, who is a FAT GUY ON FIRE~! Cena gets rid of Show, but Jericho clips Henry's leg and Orton hits the RKO for the win.
Winners: Chris Jericho, Big Show, and Randy Orton
-The whole match was the heat segment and it was fairly good. *** for a decent main event and SUPERCENA gets to defy the odds again next week.
Final Word
The matches were, for the most part, good enough for government work but I was simply bored by the show. Maybe I wasn't in a good wrestling mindset tonight but the show just seemed like there was alot going on, but not alot happening...if that makes any sense. There's always next week...
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