WWE Raw Review (June 15, 2009)
Posted on Jun 15, 2009 by Mike Shannon
Download our exclusive community toolbar for FREE and
receive the latest wrestling news to your computer no
matter what website you're on! Click here to download!
WWE RAW (June 15, 2009)
by: Mike Shannon (DLman91@hotmail.com)
-So it's a three hour Raw edition tonight and....wait....I feel like I'm forgetting something.....
-Oh yeah.....
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
THIS is why they all own big houses on the big side of town! WOOOOO!!
-Yes, my beloved Pittsburgh Penguins shocked the world and won the Stanley Cup. So of course, there will be MANY references to them tonight because, when you combine the Steelers 6th Super Bowl and now Lord Stanley's Cup, I've never been happier in my sports life. With Malkin and Crosby locked up for a long time, the city of Pittsburgh will be WOOOOOOOOOOOO what's causin' all this! Now, on with the show.....
-LIVE from Charlotte, NC WOOO!
-I'm in a great mood and Raw is three hours tonight. If I were WWE, I wouldn't waste this good mood...I may be very generous tonight.
-Recap of the events of last week and we run down the title matches for later tonight, as Jim Ross looks ready to snap and kill Todd Grisham at any moment.
Intercontinental Championship
Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio
Jericho takes time out to run down Raw before the match, which would be funny if it wasn't true. Rey goes right after Jericho and clotheslines him to the floor, then hitting a legdrop as Chris crawls through the ropes for two. Rey hits post on a blind charge as we now have a clock counting down to the WWE title match. Jericho goes to the floor and Rey tries a hurricanrana, but Y2J has a great counter...he spikes his face on the announce table. But of course, we GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
We're back with Rey hitting an enzugiri but Jericho comes back with his new favorite move, the airplane spin into a backbreaker, which gets two. Y2J goes for the mask, but Rey Rey dropkicks him in the face and follows with flying headscissors and a necksnap on the ropes, which sets up the seated senton for two. A dropkick puts Jericho to the outside after a sloppy sequence, and Mysterio follows with a tope suicida. See? I can use lucha libre move names too...in your face.
They battle to the top rope and Rey takes down Jericho with a sunset flip, but it only gets two. A roll-up is countered by Jericho for two and Rey ends up in the 619 position, which Jericho loves. However, he loves it a little too much and it allows Rey to hit a springboard moonsault for two. 619 his but Jericho counters the West Coast Pop by ripping at the mask and hitting the Codebreaker for the win.
Winner and STILL champion: Chris Jericho
-They recycled a couple spots from previous matches, which is either great storytelling or uncreative wrestling...you decide. In either case, it wasn't bad **1/2.
-Backstage, Randy Orton runs his mouth about whatever until John Cena takes over as the interviewer. I have a question for you to ask Orton, John: How the hell can one man be so boring on the stick for so long?
-Recap of Vickie Guerrero quitting, which was sad on so many levels. Vickie decided she wanted to spend some more time with her family and wanted to get off the road, so what does Vince do? He has talent make fat jokes and call her a pig for months. Why? She's not going to TNA, so you don't have to bury her character. Her husband died while wrestling for WWE, you would think they could treat her departure with more respect.
Vince McMahon Interview
Vinnie Mac expected more applause, but he'll make due. He has decided NOT to announce the new GM, as he has SOLD Monday Night Raw. Que? Someone made him an offer "he couldn't refuse" and he will reveal who bought it after the title match. This cannot end well....no chance in hell.
Why not?
ECW Championship
Tommy Dreamer vs. Christian
Back and forth to start, with a clothesline getting two for Christian before Tommy comes back with a neckbreaker. He ends up taking an elbow from the second rope for two then gets dumped to the floor before Christian follows with his dive to the outside, which gets two. Christian misses a tornado DDT and Dreamer comes back with a flapjack and reverse DDT for a near fall. Blind charge by Tommy leads to a pinfall reversal sequence that Christian gets the better of, but he messes up his ankle on a top rope move. Christian tries the Killswitch, but Tommy rolls him up for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: Tommy Dreamer
-Typical TV match here, as no one can convince me that the ECW title means jack shit. **
-Backstage, the sluts stand there and stick their chests out. See? That's better than them wrestling.
-We recap Orton's attack on Batista, and they use Dave's real surgery to put it over. Not even the markiest mark who ever marked believes that Orton broke his Big Dave's arm last week.
I'm amazed I connected that statement to pop culture
Fatal Four Way for the WWE Title
Randy Orton vs. Big Show vs. John Cena vs. HHH
Big brawl to start ends with Orton in the crowd and Cena on the floor, so HHH and Paul do a staredown but THE TAPE MACHINE IS RUNNING TONY!!
"Hey Duff lovers! Does anyone in this bar loooove Duff?"
"Hey, it's Duffman! Newsweek said you died of liver failure."
"Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah! "
Coming back, Orton hits a kneedrop on HHH while Show slllllooowly works on Cena. HHH gets rid of Orton and the faces double team the Big Show to dump him to the outside. Cena does his patented FOUR MOVES OF DOOM~! but HHH counters the Five Knuckle Shuffle with a spinebuster before Big Show returns and destroys them both. Orton works over HHH against the apron, while Cena stupidly tries to slam Big Show and gets counted for two. Orton runs from Show, which allows the faces to suplex him. Orton tries to give him the PUNT OF CERTAIN DEATH, but Show catches the foot and hammers away in the corner.
Big Show gets rid of everyone and hits a Vader Bomb on Cena before it's interrupted by Orton. Show gets rid of Orton again and then hits a big spear that was well sold by HHH. A Vader Bomb attempt misses, so HHH hits a Pedigree but Cena grabs HHH and nails an Attitude Adjustment on HHH and then on Big Show. Orton tosses Cena to the post and pins Big Show to win the title.
Winner and NEW Champion: Randy Orton
-As always, a four way (much like in the bedroom) is unorganized and messy. I am VERY sick of Randy Orton as WWE Champion, but I should have expected this since they are right back where they were before Batista's injury. *1/2 for all finishers and no real story.
Vince McMahon Interview Take Two
Whoever dressed Vinnie Mac tonight must have been drunk. He introduces the new owner of Raw: Donald Trump. Really? What the hell is the point of this? Trump joins us "live via satellite" (which is WWE-speak for "on tape") and says the fans deserve better. Nothing like running down the show the fans are watching and basically calling them stupid for watching the show. Trump announces that next week's Raw will be commercial-free. That would be a much bigger announcement if we didn't already know that was coming. McMahon decides to give his Farewell Address next week and then makes a Battle Royal to see who faces Orton at The Bash.
-The ONLY good thing that can come of this is if Raw gets a new look altogether. I'm talking a new set, new look, new lighting, new presentation, etc.
-Promo for the Macho Man DVD which, of course, I've already reviewed and can be found here: http://pwrestlingnews.com/news/3258
Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendez
Maryse joins us at ringside and Rosa takes a powder after some bad offense. A cheap shot leads to more bad offense before a chinlock keeps up the breathtaking pace. Mickie comes back with clotheslines and gets two, but then hits the DDT for the win.
Winner: Mickie James
-Terrible. Rosa should never be allowed in a ring again. -*
-Back from commercial, Goldust and Hornswoggle are shooting t-shirts to the crowd but the Miz interrupts and wants to be the new face of Raw. He tries to throw the freaks out of the ring, but Goldust is not impressed with his Cena mind games. He actually reminds everyone he kissed a very large black man once then mocks Miz in his own special 3rd grade manner. Miz mocks Goldy for his being irrelevant then beats everyone up before SHOOTING HORNSWOGGLE IN THE BALLS WITH THE T-SHIRT GUN. That's 23 different types of awesome.
-Backstage, CM Punk doesn't understand because if he beat Edge everyone would still love him, but people are upset because it's Jeff. Matt Hardy offers an olive branch but Punk doesn't speak "Carolina hick" so he brushes him off.
-Recap of the humiliation of Vickie Guerrero. Still don't understand....
World Heavyweight Championship
CM Punk vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy
Hardy attacks and gets a two count before Punk dumps Edge and hits a suicide dive, then Jeff hits both with a plancha. Back inside, Hardy gets two off a dropkick to Edge but gets clotheslined down by Punk and covered for two. Old school elbow gets two for Punk, then he hits chinlock for some reason, allowing Edge to clean house and dump Hardy. Edge works over Punk slowly and sets him on the top but Jeff misses his cue and Edge has to stall so Jeff can run over and do a sequence in the corner. Punk misses and forearm and Hardy rolls up Edge for two, so it's a triple KO and we gotta take a break...
Way to show up for the title game, joke.
We're back with Punk hitting a kick on Edge then a Shining Wizard for both. The GTS is broken up by Edge, who then locks in the Sharpshooter on Punk before Hardy grabs a sleeper (called a headlock by Grisham....he's high). Hardy gets two on Edge, broken by Punk. Another three-way spot leads to a sunset flip by Punk, broken by Hardy, then a legdrop to Edge's nether regions. Hardy tries a Swanton, but Edge shoves him off and tries a spear on Punk, but gets powerslammed for two. A couple of finisher reversals leads to a SWANK spear on Hardy by Edge, but Jeff kicks out at two. Edge shoves Punk over the top and onto the steps, injuring his knee.
Hardy hits Whisper in the Wind on Edge, but Punk pulls him out of the ring at two. Jeff kicks the hell out of his leg to put him down, but Edge rolls him up for a close two when he climbs back inside. Jeff hits a Twist of Fate out of nowhere and follows with the Swanton which looks to finish, but CM Punk yanks him out again and tosses Hardy into the stairs. Punk rolls back into the ring and pins Edge for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: CM Punk
-It started REAL slow, but picked up once they hit their groove. I'm not a fan of threeways in general, but this was decent television ***1/4.
-Teddy Long comes out and makes a match between Jeff and Punk at the Bash.
The Hart Dynasty vs. The Colons
AWESOME remix of Bret Hart's music, I must say. Priceless is doing commentary because Michael Cole sucks. Smith works over Primo, then Colon almost breaks his neck screwing up a hurricanrana. A Natalya distraction allows the heels to take back over and work a chinlock. Is it bad that I have old WWF Magazines with DH Smith writing articles called "Just for kids!"? A missed dropkick allows for a tag to Carlito, who hits a springboard elbow for two, interrupted by Kidd. Primo gets rid of him and Carlito hits the Backstabber, which draws in Priceless for the DQ.
Winners by DQ: The Colons
-Post-match, Priceless lays a beatdown and poses. This really did nothing for the Harts becasue Tyson didn't even get in the ring and Smith was clearly beat so the DQ didn't "protect" him. Formulaic stuff **.
-Backstage, Santino insults Vince by accident and only digs his grave deeper when he tries to backpedal.
Battle Royal
Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, MVP, Matt Hardy, William Regal, Kofi Kingston, The Miz, Big Show, John Cena, and HHH
Winner gets a shot at Orton, of course. Big brawl (I'm shocked) to start, as battle royals are impossible to recap. Lots of punchy-kicky and laying on the ropes while pretending to try and toss someone out. Miz gets his shots in on Cena while Legacy targets HHH. The Big Show chops alot...he also eats alot and sucks alot....I don't really have a point. Hardy runs away to the floor, so Show pulls him in and then tosses him out. MVP follows very shortly thereafter. Everyone gets smart and teams up to dump the Big Show and save the world from the Big Show being in the main event of ANYTHING. We gotta take a break though...
The man, the myth, the legend
We're back with 6 guys still in the ring and lots of stomping. Cena almost puts Rhodes out but Priceless teams up to do some damage. Legacy then turns its attention to HHH, who manages to fight them off. HHH hits a spinebuster on Regal and then has a staredown with Cena before slugging away. Hunter tries to put him out, but they end up clotheslining each other. Kofi is now alone against Legacy and he holds his own for awhile before getting dropped on the top rope and clotheslined out. Regal tries his luck and gets dumped by Rhodes and DiBiase as well, leaving out final four.
Legacy hammers away on both men, taking out Cena first and then focusing on Vince's pride and joy. Cena comes back with a bulldog and suplex before dumping DiBiase. Cody manages to hold on, but HHH puts him out and we're down to Cena and HHH. Pedigree hits so Legacy attacks again. This whole Legacy beatdown shit is getting very old. After the referee escorts Rhodes and DiBiase out, THE MIZ reveals himself to still be hiding under the ring, so he crawls inside. He charges, but unfortunately they see him coming and low bridge the Miz to put him out. HHH dumps Cena and we got a winner.
Winner: HHH
-I HATED that finish because it was the perfect chance to give The Miz a big win. Who cares if you take it away later? Just give him that rub. It doesn't even mean anything because it's a freaking BATTLE ROYAL. Oh well. It's hard to rate battle royals so I'll just go * cause it was boring as hell.
-Finally, Trump appears again to let us know we don't have to wait for the Bash because HHH-Orton is next week in a Last Man Standing match.
Final Word
Well, this was basically three hours of nothing as the title matches decided NOTHING because we're right back where we started on Raw and the other two retained. I think they missed a big opportunity with Miz in the battle royal, but what do I know? Either way, we got HHH-Orton AGAIN and another big show to carry. Just please change the presentation....please?
-On a personal note, I'll be on a well-deserved vacation next week so I won't be reviewing Raw. I will watch it (it's COMMERCIAL-FREE after all) and I'll have some thoughts the next week.
So, until then....
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Register at
WrestlingForums.net and
discuss this story with
other wrestling fans [>]
|
