WWE Raw Review (June 1, 2009)
Posted on Jun 1, 2009 by Mike Shannon
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WWE RAW (June 1, 2009)
by: Mike Shannon (DLman91@hotmail.com)
Screw the referees...it's not over yet
-Some people have asked me my opinion on Mr. Kennedy's firing and it's really quite simple: Even if he's not legitimately hurt this time, the guy has been injured way too often for WWE to give him a sustained push. He screwed up his spot as Vince's "son" by running his mouth and then went and got hurt during his big Money in the Bank push. As far as his in-ring work went, he wasn't that great. I didn't see the potential that WWE saw in him because he never really improved as a worker and was a gimmick, not a character, and there's a BIG difference between those. Maybe TNA will be the best place for him, as they won't script his promos and allow his charisma to shine through. Unfortunately, Mr. Kennedy was a great ring name and "Mr. Anderson" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
"Why, Mr. Anderson, why?"
-Raw opens with Legacy in the ring, surrounded by a steel cage, and after Orton rambles on and on about whatever in his boring, monotone style he tosses a coin and decides that Cody Rhodes will face Batista in a steel cage match tonight. Orton poses with the belt until Ric Flair interrupts him and reminds everyone that he is still the Nature Boy. Flair promises to keep coming out here and bothering Orton until he faces him in a street fight ("which isn't a match! We promise!"). Flair keeps repeating himself and seems drunk until Orton accepts a fight in the parking lot. Flair's promo style, which I'm assuming is unscripted, stands out in such contrast to the boring pre-written crap that the rest of the talent spews forth that bores the hell out of everyone.
Steel Cage Match
Cody Rhodes vs. Batista
This is WWE cage rules, which are pinfall, submission, or escape. Cody tries a DDT but Batista overpowers him and rams his head into the cage, then drives Cody's face into the mesh with his foot. Big Dave gets caught with his head down, but still manages to run Rhodes into the cage and spear him down. AND HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S RANDY! Batista methodically hits a spinebuster and stares down Orton. Cody tries to use this distraction to escape over the top, but Batista catches him and hits the Batista Bomb for the win.
Winner: Batista
-Batista basically treated Cody like a joke, as he got ZERO offense, and I'm not sure what the purpose of that was. Either way, I think the cage is coming into play later on. I see why they didn't want DiBiase in Cody's spot though.
-Backstage, Big Show is pissed because he is tagged up with the Miz tonight. Vickie decides that John Cena's partner will be picked from a hat and it ends up being Chavo Guerrero. OH MY GOD, HOW WILL OUR HERO PREVAIL?!?!
Puke
Kelly Kelly and Mickie James vs. Maryse and Beth Phoenix
Beth's pose looks really stupid without the belt as a prop. I'm tempted to forget this match and just Google Maryse's Playboy pictures, but I'll stick it out, dear readers. Mickie grabs a headlock on Beth and hits a dropkick to her leg then to her face for two. Kelly tags in and the announcers try to put her over as a legit threat when we all know she's a joke. Kelly escapes a press slam and hits a hurricanrana for two. Beth comes back with a backbreaker for a two count of her own before tagging Maryse, who grabs a chinlock. Kelly comes back with an enzuigiri, but Beth interrupts a tag, Rosa gets rid of Mickie, and Maryse hits her DDT for the win.
Winners: Maryse and Beth Phoenix
-It's a women's match, so it's no good. You already knew that *1/4.
-By the way, I would being doing you a disservice if I didn't mention that Jim Cornette has an AWESOME commentary up about the history of hardcore wrestling and it's effect on the business. Cornette is basically a walking encyclopedia on the wrestling industry and he makes some great points as well as gives the history behind the Tupelo Concession Stand brawl. Well worth the read: http://www.jimcornette.com/Commentary.html
The definition of "old school"
Carlito and Primo vs. William Regal and Matt Hardy
Regal and Primo do a little wrestling sequence before a Hardy distraction allows Regal to take control. Hardy comes in and refuses to double team with Regal for some reason and hits an elbow for two. Matt works him over in the corner then tags back in Regal and now it's his turn to ignore Matt's double team effort and get two off a right hand, then work a chinlock. Primo's comeback goes nowhere and another right hand gets two. The heels take turns beating on Primo and Regal hits an exploder suplex before Matt tags himself in and gets two. A pair of legdrops hits but a third one misses, allowing a hot tag to Carlito who comes in with a missile dropkick on Regal and a HIGH handspring elbow for two, broken by Matt. Matt accidentally hits Regal with the cast and a Back Stabber wins it for the Colons.
Winners: The Colons
-The match was just one long heat segment until the hot tag ended the match. *1/4 for a lack of psychology in the beating and a dull head segment. Regal and Hardy, tag partners for MINUTES, argue inside the ring.
-Meanwhile, in the parking lot, Batista tries to talk Flair out of the parking lot brawl, but Flair thinks that people have forgotten that he is the MAN. Flair wants to prove he's still got it after being forced to retire and Batista gives his blessing.
-Backstage, Matt Hardy and William Regal argue in Vickie's office but she's pissed they lost. Matt proposes an idea where Vickie faces Santino Marella tonight (causing Vickie to flip out on them in Spanish) and Hardy whispers their master plan to ensure she wins. I smell a c-o-n-spiracy.
-Backstage, Cena blows off Chavo. See? Cena was a jerk and now he deserves to get screwed over. Prima donna.
-The usual highlight of the show, Miz on the mic, begins. The Miz admits that John Cena has the 9-year-old fan market cornered and then compares Cena to Spongebob and the Jonas Brothers. It's funny because it's TRUE! The Road Dogg method is really paying off with this guy....now only if he could get a real win inside the ring to go along with his push. We'll see though.
The Miz and Big Show vs. John Cena and Chavo Guerrero
Show intimidates Miz into staying on the apron and letting him start with Cena. John unloads on Show but gets caught in a side slam and gets hit with clubbing forearms. Show tries the Camel Clutch but Cena reverses to the STF but, as we've established 100 times already, Show is JUST TOO FAT for it to work. Miz gets a cheap shot on the outside, which pisses of Big Show because he wants to hurt Cena himself. Show misses a blind charge and Cena stupidly tries a body slam, but Big Show falls on top for two. The Miz tags himself in as Big Show drops a leg, which causes him to glare at Miz, who still manages to hit hits clothesline in the corner and stomp a mudhole for two.
Cena mounts a comeback with punches and a pair of tackles, then into his suplex and Five Knuckle Shuffle routine. Attitude Adjustment hits but Big Show made a blind tag and chokeslams Cena. The ref didn't see the tag, so Show drags Miz over to the corner to tag him, but Miz refuses because he's got this. Show is not impressed and punches his lights out, which is the opening that Chavo wanted so he tags himself in and gets the pin on Miz.
Winners: Chavo Guerrero and John Cena
-Not a bad tag match with a somewhat interesting angle to it, so it gets **. Post-match, Chavo wants to celebrate with Cena but John, ever the jerk, gives him the Attitude Adjustment instead. The Big Show avenges Chavo by giving Cena the KO Punch and then locking on his shitty Camel Clutch to lay him out. Serves him right, Chavo won the match then tried to celebrate with him like a good partner and Cena couldn't stand someone else being in the spotlight.
-Backstage, Kofi and MVP verbally blow each other until they disagree on who is going to leave as champion...who would have thunk it?
United States Championship
MVP vs. Kofi Kingston
At least they actually used a whole week to build to this match...but why wouldn't they run it on Pay-Per-View? There IS one this weekend, boys. MVP apparently attended a prom with Shari Shepard from "The View"...now there's a manly move. They wrestle to an essential stalemate to start, with both men countering the other's offense and then exchange holds on the ground. MVP gets caught with his head down and Kofi impressively flips over into a backslide for two and then surprises MVP with a roll-up for another two count. Kofi lets MVP know he was thisclose to losing but WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
Either extremely hot or extremely weird depending on how much of a nerd you are
We come back with Kofi working a reverse bearhug on the mat that he grabbed after Kofi misses a high cross body. Kofi breaks the hold and hits an elbow to set up his 10 punch in the corner, but he decides to turn it into a hurricanrana for two. MVP gets pisses and hits a big boot to Kofi's face for two then follows that with the Baller Elbow for another two. MVP should be going into heel mode for this match, but not so far. An MVP charge hits boot, but Kofi spends too much time climbing the top rope and MVP brings him down with a superplex for two. Kofi manages a sunset flip for two, which leads to a nice pinfall reversal sequence and then they clothesline each other for a rest spot.
Both men fight to their feet and Kofi tries to rebound himself off the ropes, but MVP sees it coming and hits a german suplex for two. Kofi comes back with a Stroke into a pin for two, but gets greedy again and misses a dropkick. MVP tries a Playmaker but Kofi wriggles out and tries Trouble in Paradise, but that misses as well. Kofi ends up on MVP's shoulders and rolls him up with a victory roll to pick up the win and the title.
Winner and NEW Champion: Kofi Kingston
-Post-match, MVP hands the title over to Kofi and let's him have his moment in the spotlight. A really good TV match that I wish wasn't interrupted by commercials because that probably would have raised it in the star rating scale. As is, it's a *** match as it told a good story of MVP countering all of Kofi's high flying stuff until he got caught in a move that he just couldn't get out of in time.
-Backstage, DiBiase tries to talk Orton out of fighting Flair.
Vickie Guerrero vs. Santino Marella
This storyline has gone on WAY WAY WAY too long. Vickie has brought two buckets of slop to the ring...no word if she stole them from the Godwinns or not. Santino gets hold of one of the buckets and this draws out Hardy and Regal. Santino sees them coming and hits Regal in the face with the slop. The look on Regal's face is quite funny. However, no the heels commence the beatdown and Hardy nails him with the cast. With Santino successfully knocked out, Vickie cackles and dumps the other bucket of slop all over Santino.
No Contest
-Whoever didn't see this angle coming, please go away because you obviously have never watched wrestling before. DUD DUD DUD DUD.
-Commercial for the MACHO MAN DVD!!!! I never thought I would see the day that this was released but you can guarantee that I will buy that thing the minute it comes out. DIG IT!
You WISH you were this manly
-Lawler and Cole do the hard sell for Extreme Rules. The card seems "meh" to me as only the Smackdown side has anything to offer with the Edge-Hardy ladder match and Jericho-Mysterio. The Cena-Show match really doesn't interest me at all because NEITHER are technical wrestlers (and that's an understatement) so the match is guaranteed to suck. However, I anticipate a lack of blood due to the new "family friendly" rating so I will be disappointed.
Parking Lot Brawl (but definitely NOT a match!)
Randy Orton vs. Ric Flair
Orton searches around the parking lot for Flair, but the Nature Boy jumps him from behind and tears his shirt off so he can chop him down. Ric runs him into a railing and stomps away with some shoes that you can damn sure guarantee cost more than your house! Orton takes over and sends him into equipment boxes, but Flair comes back and introduces Orton to the catering table. A very unimpressive buffet, if I say so myself. They eventually make their way into the crowd where Orton beats down Flair and tosses him onto the entrance ramp. Orton punishes him with the GARVIN STOMP and hammers Flair in the face. He tries to toss Flair off the ramp, but Ric goes low and stomps away.
Flair beats him the whole way down the aisle and slams his face first into the cage, which has been lowered around the ring for some reason (I told you). Ric preps the announce table for some pain and lays Orton on it with a chop. Orton's chest is just BEAT RED from all the chops. He's taken them like a man though, that's for sure. In a cool spot for a Flair fan, he stands on the table over Randy, raises a leg and just stomps directly on Orton's balls. He locks on the Figure WOOOOO Four which, of course, causes Legacy to run down and brutalize Flair against the cage.
They drag him inside the cage and Orton sends Priceless outside to lock the cage door while Orton beats on Flair. Finally, Batista runs down but is unable to get in. Why not just climb the cage? Batista finally figures out that he can climb mesh cage but Orton hits an RKO to really rub it in Big Dave's face. Batista takes this as a sign to stop climbing and just yell at Orton. Randy finally hits Flair with the PUNT OF CERTAIN DEATH~! (which misses terribly) and the staredown ends the show.
No Announced Winner
-According to WWE, this was NOT a match, so I guess I don't have to give it a rating.
Final Word
This whole "Orton gets beat up, Legacy runs out and saves him" thing is dead and Vince is beating the dead horse repeatedly each and every week. I'm not really sure where this storyline is going because it seems to be stuck in the "Orton kicks everyone in the head, fans should boo" phase which has proven itself not to draw money. The MVP-Kofi match was pretty good, but not good enough to save a show. Overall, not a bad episode, but not enough to make alot of people shell out money for a PPV.
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