WWE Raw Review (April 6, 2009)
Posted on Apr 6, 2009 by Mike Shannon
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WWE RAW (April 6, 2009)
by: Mike Shannon (DLman91@hotmail.com)
-OK, OK, so I didn't review WrestleMania due to the usual party we have, so it wasn't a good atmosphere for a review, but here are some quick thoughts I jotted down.
Money in the Bank - It wasn't blowaway match or anything due to all the botched spots, but it had some vicious ones in there as well. The live crowd, like myself, were disappointed in the CM Punk win because they wanted to see someone else win. Christian was clearly the crowd favorite, but until Vince thinks of him as something other than a "tag wrestler", he better enjoy the midcard. It was about ***1/4
Diva Battle Royale - Who gives a shit about this? Apparently not even WWE, who didn't even give their "legendary" former women entrances and there was no way to tell what was going on. The announcers came off as WCW-level stupid for not knowing the mystery woman in drag was Santino. Definite negative stars, about -**
Chris Jericho vs. The Legends - Piper and Snuka sucked like we thought they were, but man the Dragon BROUGHT IT. He even did one last skin the cat, but the camera f'n MISSED IT! Someone should be fired for that one. The Mickey Rourke thing went off exactly as expected, that is terrible. It was about * for Steamboat busting his ass to save it.
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy - Kinda tough to have an extreme, bloody war when you're not allowed to have blood. It was mostly spot-rest-spot-rest, rinse, repeat. But that was a hell of bump from the laddder, even though the crowd seemed uninterested for whatever reason. Wasn't bad at **3/4, but was basically heatless.
JBL vs. Mysterio - 29 seconds and new champ, DUD of course.
Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker - Absolutely a ***** match and should be a MOTY candidate. That should put to rest all those comments that I "hate" the Undertaker. Geez, you call a guy old, washed up, carried more times than luggage, and a waste of a roster spot and people think you hate someone.
Those legs are blinding
Edge vs. Cena vs. Big Show - It was impossible to follow UT-HBK so they shouldn't have even tried. **1/2, but nothing special.
HHH vs. Orton - It was WrestleMania 18 all over again, as HHH got overshadowed by a match further down the card. This should have been a Russo brawl full of run-ins from Legacy and the McMahons with a ton of weapon shots, but as it was it was just...boring. The end sequence with HHH punting Orton and then just beating him and hitting the Pedigree was flat and didn't pop the crowd at all, especially after how EVIL Randy has been. ***
So anyways....
-So it's the night after WrestleMania, the "new year" for WWE, and traditionally a night where new characters and storylines are introduced. I have no clue what show the titles are supposed to be on, since HHH is on RAW all the time but holds the Smackdown title and Cena (a RAW guy) just won the Smackdown title, so I'm sure we'll get some sort of answer.
-Live from Houston, Texas of course
-Randy Orton is out first, complete with made-up bruise on his face, to bitch about the sledgehammer shot and he wants a rematch. He hints that his next target will be Linda or one of HHH's children, but Vince has heard enough and he is PISSED. He makes a match at Backlash with Orton and Legacy vs. HHH and Vince and Shane. He calls Randy a coward because he doesn't have Legacy with him tonight, so Orton challenges McMahon to a match tonight...in THAT very ring, which Vinnie Mac accepts.
WWE Unified Tag Title
Lumberjack Match
Miz and Morrison vs. Carlito and Primo Colon
The Colons unified the titles in the dark match last night, which should show you how important the tag titles are in WWE's eyes. Morrison works over Carlito to start, but he htis a springboard elbow for two. Primo tags in with a senton and does a handstand on the top rope to set up a hurricanrana for two. Morrison gets dropkicked to the outside where the lumberjacks beat him down and toss him back inside, where it gets two, but WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK...
Must...buy...Guitar Hero...
We're back with a replay of Primo getting his ass kicked by the the lumberjacks, leading to some double-teaming by Miz and Morrison. Miz hits the chinlock, but Primo hits a jawbreaker and gets the hot tag to Carlito. The house gets cleaned and Carlito flips out of a slam with a rolling cutter for two. They head up top and battle over a superplex, and they both fall off the top rope onto the lumberjacks. Primo follows with a dive from the top and the Morrison one-ups him with a 450 SPLASH FROM THE TOP! Holy hell. Back inside, Miz gets two on Carlito, but he comes back with a spinebuster for two, interrupted by Morrison. Primo reappears and gets rid of Morrison with a flying headscissors to the outside. Carlito's Back Stabber is blocked and Miz gets a close two off a rollup. Carlito tries a victory roll, but instead rolls down Miz's back and hits the Back Stabber for the pin.
Winners and STILL Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
-That was a pretty damn good TV match right there, and would have been better without the commercial interruption. As is, it's a *** match and a good way to kick off the unified titles.
-Backstage, Vince wants to do this by himself and doesn't want Shane's help.
-They are still trying to get people to see "12 Rounds", but guess what? It ain't happening.
Raw vs. Smackdown Diva Tag Match
Raw Divas vs. Smackdown Divas
Melina and Gail Kim do a little wrestling sequence to start, slightly sloppy, but hey, they're women. Melina shows off her flexibility but takes a dropkick. Ugly handspring elbow from Melina and Gail hits a cross body. Melina gets sent to the outside where Maryse cheapshots her and Natalya tags herself in. She locks on a surfboard, but Melina manages to get the tag to Mickie, who dropkicks her in the face for a one count. DDT is blocked and Natalya slams Mickie down for two, broken up by Layla. Layla gets dumped, which results in a brawl, leaving Mickie and Natalya in the ring, where Mickie hits a tornado DDT for the win.
Winners: RAW Divas
-Been there, done that. *
Underrated
-Backstage, Shane wants HHH to talk some sense into Vince.
WrestleMania All Star Match
Jeff Hardy, CM Punk, Rey Mysterio, Ricky Steamboat, and John Cena vs. Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Big Show, and Edge
It's sad that Steamboat was a better worker than half the roster last night. Matt and Rey start after a commercial and Matt's face meets the turnbuckle. Rey makes the tag to Jeff and Matt runs like a good little heel and tags Edge (don't they HATE each other? We forget all that stuff now?). Edge works Jeff over in the corner, but takes a flying headscissors, and they screw something up that ends with Jeff getting a two. Cena tags in and hits a bulldog, and now Steamboat wants the tag. He comes in with a HIGH chop to a SCARY face pop and works an armbar while the crowd chants "You still got it." Awesome. Edge tags in Kane and he eats chops from Steamer, then he fights off the entire heel team and hits a nice, deep armdrag on Edge. Chop off the top hits on Kane, but Steamboat walks into a sidewalk slam.
Now Jericho wants in of course and beats the hell out of Ricky. Big Show checks in and hammers away while the crowd is SOLIDLY behind Steamboat. Headbutt stops Steamboat's comeback and Jericho tags in and hits a clothesline into a chinlock. The old school "3 drops of the arm" sets up another comeback attempt, but he gets caught in the Walls of Jericho. The Dragon fights off the move and cradles for a close two count. He flips out of a back suplex attempt and tags in CM Punk who hits the shining wizard/bulldog. Kane's had enough of his shit and KOs Punk with a punch, but it only gets two.
Jericho gets some shots in, then brings in Kane, and the TAPE MACHINES ARE ROLLING...
Ricky Steamboats paid for this space to remind you that he's more of a man at 56 years old than you will ever be.
We're back with Punk running into a big boot and Matt Hardy getting two off of it. Edge and Hardy double team (but WHAT ABOUT LITA?!?) and Edge gets two. Show decides to tag in again and steps on Punk's head...well that's certainly effective. Frequent tags continue Kane coming in and trying a chokeslam, but Punk DDTs his way out of it for the double KO. Hot tag Jeff and he kicks Edge's ass and gets two off a dropkick to the face. Whisper in the Wind hits and Matt attacks, but Jeff gets rid of him to the outside. Cena gets rid of Big Show and Mysterio, having gotten a blind tag, hits Edge and Jericho with the 619. Mysterio and Steamboat both hit splashes on Edge and Jericho, and Rey's gets the pin.
Winners: CM Punk, Ricky Steamboat, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and John Cena
-I tell you what, you can have Big Show, Kane, Mark Henry, and the rest of those big goofs....I'll take Ricky Steamboat at 56 over any of them. ***3/4 and yes you read that right, a great match.
-HHH wants Vince to finish it tonight.
-Vickie Guerrero is here, with damn good heel heat as usual, to announce that she can only be GM of one of the shows. She has decided to permanently become the GM of Raw. She says Raw is stale and stagnant, well that's a good way to insult your fans, call the show they pay money for "stale and stagnant" and basically say they were stupid for watching it.
Suckers...each and every one of you
She announces Edge vs. Cena for Backlash in a Last Man Standing. She also changes the 6-man for Backlash, saying that if HHH's team wins, he keeps the title, Orton's team wins = he wins the title. Don't like that change AT ALL.
-They replay the same WrestleMania video to get you to buy it again.
-Hall of Fame recap video...Koko B. Ware gets the joke of the night saying "thank you for allowing me to share my wrestling talent" WRESTLING TALENT?!? HAHAHAHAHAHA.
-"Santina Marella" joins us (with recycled Billy and Chuck music, never thought I would hear that again) and hopes that calender shoots and babies are in her future. Beth Phoenix does not find this funny even though the crowd is chanting "Santina!"...Houston has gone insane. Beth is upset that Santina dumped her from the match last night and wants a match tonight.
Santina Marella vs. Beth Phoenix
After some dirty dancing from Santina, Beth hammers away on her/him in the corner. Santina bails and runs away but is able to fall on top during a slam attempt and get the pin.
Winner: Santina Marella
-Obviously a DUD, like this was supposed to be a real match.
Randy Orton vs. Vince McMahon
So the tag match highlighted the 56 year old Steamboat, and now a 63 year old is main eventing...did I tune into Nitro from 1998 by accident or something? Vince hits the SLAP OF DOOM right away and works body shots in the corner. No real crowd heat for this one right now. A kick to the ribs sends Randy to the outside, where Vince introduces him to the announce table. Vince runs him into the apron before tossing him back inside, but he runs into a neckbreaker. Orton stomps away and drops some knees to the back of head and he slowly hits the RKO.
Orton sets up for the punt to the head, but Shane runs down and stops him, causing Legacy to run out and put the boots to Shane-o-Mac. Of course, this draws out HHH, who takes out both Rhodes and DiBiase. HHH pounds away on Orton until Legacy regroup and attack again as the crowd is absolutely silent for some reason. Then suddenly, BATISTA RETURNS! Mark out city baby. Spinebusters for everyone and Rhodes takes the Batista Bomb. Vince grabs the microphone and announces he has been replaced in the Backlash main event by Batista. Very nice.
Final Word
I can safely say that this show kicked ass. Tons of great wrestling, a big time surprise return from Batista, and matches to build to Backlash with. This was a great show and definitely should hook those who watch just after the big events.
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