WWE Raw Review (March 23, 2009)
Posted on Mar 24, 2009 by Mike Shannon
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WWE RAW (March 24, 2009)
by: Mike Shannon (DLman91@hotmail.com)
-Well, real life once again intervened and I wasn't able to type a review up for last week, but I watched the show and it was goo enough. However, does anyone remember when the World Title match at WrestleMania just needed the World Title as a selling point? I miss those days. The build has been OK and (as usual these past few years) the undercard doesn't interest me at all, but the main events should be well worked.
-Ric Flair is already in the ring and he accepts Jericho's challenge for the 3-on-1 handicap match for Mania. Good to see Flair sticking to his retirement. Jericho interrupts via the TitanTron and shows a video of Piper, Steamboat, and Snuka (who is roided TO THE MAX BABY!) He says this isn't a movie (although you could have fooled me with that "home invasion" angle a few weeks ago) and he joins us at ringside with DAMN good heat. Jericho is clearly the hottest heel in the business right now, the endless pushing of Orton be damned.
-Jericho promises to whoop ass in front of Mickey Rourke but Flair is all like "au contraire mon frere" and suddently launches into full Nature Boy mode, but gets popped by Jericho and beaten down. Flair even blades because....well, because he's Ric Flair. Jericho literally beats Flair with his own shoe (which damn sure cost MORE THAN YOUR HOUSE!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) and then blast him with a camera. This is one hell of a heel beatdown. In one final insult, Jericho takes Flair's Rolex and smashes it. Now that's just plain uncalled for. Now THAT'S crowd heat.
Arn = Stunned
-King has another hissy fit about the beatdown after being 3 feet away from it for 5 minutes and not stopping it.
Special delivery for Mr. Lawler
Extreme Rules Match
Jeff Hardy vs. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph gets the jobber introduction (already in the ring with Hardy's music still playing), so I wouldn't hold my breath for him. Hardy looks like a Wolfpac Sting if he were on acid and blind while putting his makeup on. Dolph grabs a chair early, but Jeff hits a low dropkick and he misses Poetry in Motion to the corner. Dolph adds a garbage can shot to the head, but it only gets two so he tries a tornado DDT off the top, but Jeff reverses and slams Dolph on the can. Twist of Fate hits and Jeff decides to beat the hell out of him with a chair, hit another Twist of Fate, and finish with the Swanton Bomb.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
-Yep, squash match that involved a chair and a aluminum trash can....extreme indeed *.
-Blind Acid Sting promises that Matt will feel extreme at Mania.
Stinger is not impressed
-We go back to Smackdown as Edge gives Vickie the WORST SPEAR EVER and the two guys banging her decide to wrestle.
-Cena reads Vickie a Get Well card and they steal jokes from Conan O'Brien while he reads a poem. This is supposed to make me buy WrestleMania?
-YOUR WrestleMania moment of the week is WrestleMania 21, as WWE goes Hollywood. Snitsky's "THAT wasn't my fault" in the Taxi Driver trailer is probably the best line of those promos. This was actually a pretty good event, although the Sumo match and Women's match really sucked....but are you really surprised by that? Oh yeah, and they introduced something called "Money In the Bank".
8-Man Tag Match
Christian, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, and MVP vs. Shelton Benjamin, Kane, Finlay, and Mark Henry
All are participants in the MITB match, and I hope they invested in some industrial strength ladders for Henry's fat Hershey Kiss ass. Shelton and MVP do a wrestling sequence to start and Shelton hits a German suplex for two. Belly to belly suplex allows MVP to tag Punk, who takes a jawbreaker as Finlay comes in. Punk comes back with a shining wizard, but Shelton's interference turns the tide and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
Probably the greatest commercial of all time
We're back with Kane working over Punk, but he comes back with kicks and tags in Christian. He cleans house on Shelton and hits a kick to his face after Shelton landed on his feet after a monkey flip. Inverted DDT hits and the match breaks down into a PIER-6 BRAWL as Kofi gets rid of Kane, but gets eaten by Mark Henry in turn. MVP goes low on Henry to get rid of him and Christian hits the Unprettier on Shelton to get the win.
Winners: Christian, Punk, Kofi, and MVP
-Probably could have been great, but they only showed 5 minutes of it so yeah *1/2. Post-match, Finlay beats everyone down with a ladder but everyone knows he has no chance of winning.
-I hope no one goes to see 12 Rounds.
-Recap of HHH laying an unholy beatdown on Cody Rhodes....if you weel.
-Orton responds with his usual stuff.
Edge vs. The Big Show
Vickie joins us at ringside, pissed at both guys, with the useless Chavo Guerrero. John Cena, the spotlight hog that he is, joins us on the TitanTron says nothing of note. Edge bobs and weaves but gets caught with a clothesline and a headbutt sends Edge outside. Show brings him back in the hard way and hammers away while sucking up to Vickie. Outside, Show hits the big slap against the announce table but Edge catches him with a low dropkick back inside. Edge goes to work on the knee and hits a DDT. Show comes back by dropping Edge on the top rope and ties him up in the ropes. Show is going to knock Edge out, but Vickie sends Chavo in to stop it, who reluctantly punches Show before accidentally getting speared by Edge. Big Show KOs Edge and walks away.
[/b]Winner: Big Show by DQ[/b]
-All angle with zero match to back it up, but it's all a build to WrestleMania anyways. Doesn't make this any better though *.
Rare instance where I would rather scratch my own retinas out than see a woman from WWE naked
Rey Mysterio vs. William Regal
JBL accompanies Regal to ringside to do commentary. Wrestling sequence leads to Rey hitting a monkey flip for one, then hitting a enzuigiri which forces Regal to roll to the outside. JBL distracts Rey long enough for Regal to take over and hammer away in the corner and get two. Regal thwarts a Rey comeback with a knee to the face, but he was playing possum and manages to hit the 619 for the pin.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
-Well the workrate certainly isn't picking up here, is it? *1/4
-Recap of HBK running from the Undertaker because NO ONE GETS THE PIN BUT TAKER!!!! Someone might get more over than him for God's sake.
-Taker gives an interview and claims he's never beaten HBK, which is wrong of course because (source: Wrestling Observer) they have wrestled 16 times and Taker won 10, Shawn won 4 (3 of which were in tag matches), 1 was no contenst, and the other neither won when Bret Hart pinned Shawn in a Triple Threat. So there. In any case, an HBK video package (damn isn't ANYONE here tonight) has Shawn being all emo and declaring all things die, even winning streaks.
-Your hero and mine, Santino Marella, puts over the Diva battle royal for the really dumb Miss WrestleMania title. Santino knows who is going to win....Santino of course. Sexual discrimination is a serious offense and Vickie Guerrero told Santino if he can beat Mickie James with one hand tied behind his back he can be in the battle royal.
Santino Marella vs. Mickie James
Santino misses a charge and Mickie ties both arms behind him back and Santino declares this is not a problem. He kicks Mickie down and tries a barrel roll before getting hit with a dropkick for two. Santino hits a knee lift to take over and actually tries to head up top, as his girlfriends spot him. Beth accidentally knocks Santino off and Mickie hits the Chick Kick for the win.
Winner: Mickie James
-Do you even have to ask? DUD.
They said the word "diva", that gives me an excuse for this picture
-Did You Know? Jerry Lawler becomes more of a joke as an announcer every single time he's on TV.
-I REALLY hope no one goes to see 12 Rounds.
-Speaking of Lawler, he finally challenges Jericho.
Handicap Match
Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase vs. HHH
HHH goes right after Orton but DiBiase occupies him long enough for Orton to hammer away. HHH manages to send DiBiase into the steps and he goes under the ring for a weapon, but Cody Rhodes is hiding under there and they try to handcuff him, but he holds them off. They finally manage to handcuff him to the top rope and the monster heel beatdown begins. Orton gets a sledgehammer and goes to hit Hunter, but Stephanie bounces her way down to ringside as HHH yells for her to get away.
Legacy corners Steph and HHH looks on as Orton gives her the hangman's DDT. Guess she should have listened to her husband huh? Because Orton is EVIL, he also kisses Stephanie while she's knocked out and stands just out of the reach of HHH before adding a sledgehammer shot to the face.
No match
-Obviously, this doesn't get a rating, so instead you'll be treated to a rant from me....
Now look, is this HHH-Orton stuff somewhat entertaining? Yes. However, this is WRESTLEMANIA and the World Title match has taken a backseat to this soap opera crap. It all started with the home invasion angle that looked like it was filmed for a horror movie or something. Fans used be absolutely obsessed with the World Title and the main event didn't NEED this kinda stuff to get over as a storyline. This soap opera angle is fine for a midcard match or for someone who needs the heat, but HHH and Orton have YEARS of background story to go off of and the freaking WORLD TITLE as a goal. You don't need Orton wiping out to the entire McMahon clan, as perversely entertaining as it is, in order to build to a main event at WrestleMania match.
Think of all the great Mania main events, Hogan-Andre, Savage-Hogan, Hogan-Warrior, HBK-Bret, Austin-Rock...they had SOME storyline mixed in but ultimately it was about the World Title and how they both desperately wanted to win/retain it. They didn't even MENTION the World Title on this show and it's absolutely become an afterthought.
Of course, titles have been useless for a very long time (quick: name the last time the IC title was defended at Mania? Yeah, thought so) but that's a combination of the late 1990s. It can be fixed, but it requires many more words than I feel like typing right now, so maybe another time.
Final Word
An all-angle show with really crappy wrestling. The buildup to WrestleMania is lackluster so far, I really think, but they have 1 more week to hype the shit out of it. So we'll see how they do.
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