Great American Bash 2008
Posted on Nov 26, 2008 by Mike Shannon
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WWE Great American Bash 2008
by: Mike Shannon
DLman91@hotmail.com
Nassau Coliseum
Long Island, NY
July 20, 2008
-God Bless WWE 24/7. I love watching PPVs for free 4 months after they happen, and that's dead serious. I figured that since tonight is the biggest party night of the year here in the USA (or "bash" if you weeeel) that I would review the Great American Bash...since tonight is a Great American Bash and all.........shut up, you couldn't come up with anything better.
WWE Tag Team Titles
Miz and Morrison vs. Hawkins and Ryder vs. Jesse and Festus vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle
First pin gets the titles, so no eliminations here. Whatever happened to team names like "The Hart Foundation" or "The Dream Team", now we don't even get names: Miz and Morrison and "jabroni and jabroni", I think it sucks.
Even THESE quasi-gay stripper idiots had a name
You know, for being Terry Gordy's kid, you would think Jesse would be a little more talented in the ring. He should turn on the idiot he's paired with and join Orton's group. Speaking of the big goof, Festus, he clears the ring when the bell rings, but Morrison is a dick and tosses Hornswoggle in there to try his luck. However, Hornswoggle outsmarts them and launches a plancha under the 2nd rope to take out the champs. Festus starts for real with Miz and hammers away in the corner, then nails him with a splash before bringing in Jesse, who hits a monkey flip and gets two. Festus comes back in with a right hand and Finlay tags himself in on Festus' shoulder. Festus doesn't like that and boots him down....
*RANDOM TANGENT TIME*
Do you know how close Festus is to "fetus"? That's not good times, that's bad times. I am one typo away from saying something like "Morrison dumps that ugly looking Fetus on the concrete floor."
Meet my legal team
Morrison takes over on Finlay and the Miz pops in to electrify us with a chinlock while JR mocks his haircut. Impressive double team slingshot gets two on Finlay, that looked like something out of Smackdown vs. Raw. Neckbreaker hits for Morrison, but he gets slugged down by our favorite Irish bar brawler. Ryder tags himself in and gets two on Finlay, and we quickly hit the neck vice. Come on now, there are EIGHT of you in there. Do you really need f'n REST HOLDS??! Hawkins comes in and slugs away on Finlay, but Finlay hits the Celtic Cross out of nowhere for a two count. Finlay even sneaks in a shillelagh shot that has every other team freaking out to break up the pin. Hornswoggle saves a pin on Finlay, drawing actual crowd heat for the first and last time in his life. Finlay tags in the midget/dwarf/little person, but Jesse tags himself in by reaching down to the ground and tagging Horny's head. Jesse hits a facebuster and a Thesz Press, then a fisherman's neckbreaker gets two. Very nice offense Mr. Gordy. Festus and Ryder comes in and Festus hits a flapjack and a spinning elbow. He even cleans house on the World Champs, but the Rocket Launcher is interrupted by Hawkins and Ryder, who pin Jesse for the win and the titles.
Winners and NEW Champions: Hawkins and Ryder
-If they could have extended the last 2 minutes into the entire match, they would have had something. As is, the Finlay face in peril part didn't work, and the match was too short to get all the teams time to showcase. **
-Commercial for the new Flair DVD, which is AWESOME!! WOOOOO!
United States Championship
Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin
If someone ever finances me and let's me book a wrestling company, Shelton Benjamin would be my World Champion TOMORROW. Shelton works a wrestling sequence to get a two count, but gets caught in a small package for a two count for Hardy. We hit the headlock but Hardy gets a hiptoss and grabs an armbar...which actually gets a semi-clean break for once. Both counter each other's finishers and Hardy hits a clothesline, but he gets dumped over the top to the floor. Shelton introduces him to the ring post and gets a two count off of that introduction. Back suplex gets another two count, and a backbreaker sets up a chinlock of some sorts. No real story or flow to the match yet, which I blame Matt Hardy for. Dueling “let's go Hardy/Shelton” chants, with the Matt chants being said in much higher voices, which should tell you something. Another backbreaker allows Shelton to grab a seated abdominal stretch, but Hardy powers out of it with a Samoan drop for two. Shelton counters a Side Effect with a strong takedown for two, then keeps working the back with another submission hold. Benjamin hits a spinning enzuguri, but a Stinger Splash only hits the bottom of Hardy's boots. Corner clothesline sets up a bulldog, which gets two and the WHOAAAAAAA legdrop gets another two count. Hardy goes back to the well once too often and gets caught and powerbombed against the corner in a very nice spot. Pinfall reversal sequence gets a couple of two counts and Matt hits a Side Effect for another close two count. Hardy's moonsault hits Shelton's foot and Paydirt gets the pin.
Winner and NEW Champion: Shelton Benjamin
-Not a bad match, but felt like a TV main event, as most of these matches involving Matt Hardy do....**1/4
-Punk gives an interview for WWE Mobile...you know, that thing that no one has.
-Recap of Edge making out with the HOT wedding planner and cheating on Vicki.
Vicki in HD = Bad times
ECW Title
Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer
You know, I love Tommy Dreamer and I've followed his career since the green suspenders days back in the mid-1990s. It's almost embarrassing to see him lose basically every single match he wrestles in and to wear the shirt of a company that stands for the exact opposite of what the original ECW stood for. But hey, it feeds his family so I'm not going to say he's dumb for doing it...I'm just speaking as a fan. Henry overpowers him to start and clotheslines him down after Dreamer tried to bob and weave. Henry uses his massive amounts of fat to stand on Tommy's chest, then chokes him out on the ropes. It's a minute into the match, so of course that means Henry has to grab a rest hold, which he does in the form of a neck vice. “Boring” chants start while Henry applies a wristlock and Dreamer runs into a shoulderblock. And, since it got boring chants the first time, Henry goes back to the wristlock. Henry misses a splash off the ropes, which Adamle thinks was the World's Strongest Slam (how do you even screw those up?), and Dreamer dropkicks him in the face. Dreamer gets a neckbreaker out of the corner for two, then hits the DDT. Dreamer gets rid of Tony Atlas, but Colin Delany turns on Dreamer, allowing Henry to hit the World's Strongest Slam for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: Mark Henry
-Well this sucked my balls 1/4*
-Recap of HBK faking a knee injury, Jericho calling him out on it (and getting booed) and Shawn attacking him....and Shawn's supposed to be the face! Awesome feud as I'm sure all of you remember.
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
Staredown leads to a slugfest, won by Jericho, but HBK comes back with a chop and hits a chopblock on the knee of Jericho. Shawn apparently has a rib injury as well, states as such when Shawn says “Ow, my ribs”....what acting. Figure Four is locked on, but Jericho gets to the ropes, so Shawn stomps him down in the corner. Y2J cowers behind the referee to catch a breather and manages to reverse a whip to the corner, giving Shawn a chance for his favorite bump. A 2nd rope dropkick sends Shawn to the floor and Jericho follows him out to work on the ribs. Back inside, Jericho punts him in the chest and hits a back suplex, all while adding some trash talk. HBK fights out of a submission hold but gets caught with a running enzuguri for two. Jericho gets caught coming off the top with an inverted atomic drop, which will ruin his weekend, and Shawn chops away. Elbow hits, but Shawn is hurt on the kip up, so Jericho pounces and locks on the Walls of Jericho. Shawn fights and gets to the ropes (drawing noticeable boos) and Jericho calmly blocks the Sweet Chin Music and punches him in the face. Shawn gets a desperation clothesline out of nowhere, but it only gets two. Shawn takes too long going to the top and Jericho crotches him and attempts to superplex him off, but Shawn manages to shove him off and hit the flying elbow. HBK tunes up the band and Lance Cade sprints out to run interference, but Shawn still manages to reverse the Codebreaker for a two count. Jericho comes back with a quick rollup and they exchange punches in the middle of the ring. Jericho charges and takes a MANLY bump on a hiptoss over the top that was cushioned only by Cade barely catching him. Shawn one ups him though with a moonsault off the top and to the floor, taking out both Cade and Jericho. Shawn's eye is busted open and it's pretty ugly, so Jericho boots him in the face and finally sees the damage he's caused and he is STUNNED. Does he fear for Shawn's safety and call the paramedics? Hell no, he punches him right in the fuckin eye, just like he should. The referee backs Jericho off to check on Shawn,, who wants to continue, so Jericho just busts the eye up with STIFF looking shots. While the ref checks on Shawn, Y2J boots him HARD in the face and then, while the referee is yelling at Jericho, Cade nails Shawn with a kick as well...CHEAT TO WIN! Jericho makes it personal with headbutts, looking Shawn in the eye after every one, but Shawn manages to come back out of nowhere and lock on the Crippler-Murder Crossface. Chris manages to break it and now he's pissed so he pounds the shit out of Shawn while the referee tries to hold him back. Shawn begs him not to stop it, while his whole face is covered in blood, and Jericho just keeps jumping on him and hammering the eye relentlessly. Jericho: “What did he say? He said no, right?” *Boot to the face*
“My friends, that's why Jericho is an awesome heel”
Jericho mounts Shawn and keeps pounding the eye and Shawn has the glazed look on his face, trying to pull himself up by Jericho's tights. Finally, Jericho traps both of Shawn's arms behind his back, then mounts him and pounds the shit out of his face. Even Lance Cade outside of the ring is telling him that it's enough, he's made his point. At last, the referee steps in, UFC-style tackling Jericho, and stops the match.
Winner: Chris Jericho
-The beginning of the match took a bit to get going, and I can see how some people wouldn't like this one, but it was a very DIFFERENT kind of match with the ending being terrific storytelling and perfect execution from both Jericho and Michaels. The crowd was silent at the end, but in the GOOD way, where they are invested in what they are watching and both guys had them eating out of their hands. ***3/4, which gets a ¼ added to it due to Jericho being splattered with Shawn's blood as he exits.
-Backstage, Edge calls HHH a pervert for putting a camera in his hotel room and says he made it personal.
Divas Championship
Michelle McCool vs. Natalya
So we go from the psychology masters to this. Natalya is VERY underrated and I bet she would be quite hot in person, she isn't built like a stick like the rest of them.
“Watch it, asshole”
Michelle takes her down to start and she dropkicks Natalya in the gut for two. Michelle flips, very sloppily, out of back body drop, but Natalya comes back with a stungun to put her down. JR is trying to put Michelle over desperately, calling her Jennie Finch...I guess banging the Undertaker has benefits. Neidhart goes to work on the knees and gets a pretty nice looking surfboard, but McCool uses her balance to get out and attempt a heel hook. Natalya gets out of it and bends Michelle around the post to establish that she is evil and then gets two. Natalya locks on the Sharpshooter, but Michelle gets to the ropes so Neidhart slugs away. Natalya tries the Sharpshooter again, but McCool counters with the heel hook and Natalya can't to the ropes and taps out.
Winner and NEW Champion: Michelle McCool
-So Michelle bangs the Undertaker, then instantly gets a title belt, an inescapable finishing submission hold, the verbal blowjob of JR, and a legend's daughter puts her over. Who says there are politics in wrestling 1/2*.
-Your savior, Chris Jericho, interrupts the bimbos celebrating to remind us to save our ticket stubs from the night Shawn Michaels wrestled his last match.
-Recap video of CM Punk's improbably World title win, but they leave out how he was wrestling at 9:45 every Monday night while the usual characters fought in the main event slot. Yeah, I wonder if they had confidence in him?
World Heavyweight Championship
CM Punk vs. Batista
I actually saw CM Punk at an ECW house show at a hockey rink in Pittsburgh right after WWE signed him, and he got a bigger pop then when no one had ever seen him than he did here. Gotta love booking.
Yes, this is the actual arena...yes, ECW came here all the time...yes, it is a shithole
Batista shows off his power to start and acts like a dick, so Punk just kicks at his legs like Inoki did to Ali, but he runs into an elbow to slow him down. Batista hits a running boot for two, but Punk comes back with a running enzuguri to put Batista on the floor, where Punk follows with tope through the ropes. Back inside, Punk gets a two count and stays on Batista with kicks to the chest and head. Batista finally overpowers Punk and whips him hard into the corner, then hits a suplex for a two. Big Dave goes all old school on us and locks on the Camel Clutch, then hammers away on the lower back with forearms. Punk turns the tables with a hard dropkick that sends Batista back outside again and works the kicks again back inside. Punk harnesses the POWER OF PEPSI to deliver a springboard high cross body for two, but he gets caught on the Shining Wizard and gets powerslammed in the middle of the ring. Batista Bomb is attempted, but Punk grabs the top rope and kicks the hell out of Batista some more, then actually hits the Shining Wizard, then hits Dave with a STIFF kick to the side of the head, which gets two. I would LOVE to see a CM Punk vs. Tajiri match where they just kick the piss out of each other for 20 minutes for my enjoyment. Punk tries for the Go To Sleep, but Batista counters and clotheslines him in the corner. Batista tries for a superplex, but Punk gets innovative and hangs over the top rope while locking in a cross armbreaker. He springboards in with a clothesline, but that only gets two. Punk grabs a headlock and Batista rolls him over for a very close two count. Batista catches a kick, so Punk slaps him....which was a very bad idea because Batista almost takes his head off with a clothesline. Batista works him over in the corner, but gets overanxious and ends up tasting the post with his shoulder and falling to the floor. Punk tries to follow with a cross body, but he gets caught and PLANTED with a spinebuster on the floor. Ouch. Batista rolls him back in but Kane comes from the crowd, attacks Batista and the bell rings.
Double DQ
-Man, this match was hitting its stride before the shitty ending ruined it. If it had an ending, this is a *** match EASILY....as is though, it's only **3/4. Punk poses with the title afterwards, so Big Dave gives him the Batista Bomb to get the last laugh.
-Recap video of the JBL-Cena deal where JBL hit him with a car and Cena mysteriously vanished like a horror movie killer or something.
Parking Lot Brawl
John Cena vs. JBL
Is the entrance music really necessary when they are just walking into an empty parking garage? JBL even has a suit on to wrestle, I guess he was in a meeting when he remembered his match at a Pay-Per-View. No one knows where Cena until one of the cars starts and tries to run over Bradshaw. Cena jumps out and chokes out JBL with jumper cables, then closes his torso in the hood of a car. You know, they all must be opened already, because getting my car hood open is a bitch. Cena actually hooks up JBL's balls to a car battery and shocks him, which I would call absolutely ridiculous, be we already saw Kane do it to Shane McMahon in 2003. At least the announcers didn't play it up like a serious injury or something, it's a freakin Bugs Bunny move. JBL tries to leave in one of the cars, but Cena is having none of it and bangs his head against the horn while providing commentary. Do you think you're the Rock sir?
“Mr. Cena I served with The Rock, I knew The Rock, The Rock was a friend of mine. Mr. Cena, you're no Rock.”
In another ridiculous spot, Cena throws a keg of beer at JBL, but through the camera change you can obviously see that no one was in front of him when he threw it. Bradshaw finally mounts a comeback and sends Cena through a car door that was open. JBL punches a lot, which makes this not much different from his other matches, and hits a neckbreaker on the hood of a car, which gets two. The lack of blood seems just silly. Cena is sent through the back window of a car and takes a DDT on the roof, which gets a two count. JBL grabs a crowbar, which misses, but JBL is still able to toss his head through a window. OK seriously, you wouldn't bleed now? What are you, a superhero? JBL tosses him in the backseat of one of the cars, and I am terrified that he might seek prison justice on Cena. But instead, he grabs a can of gasoline and douses the car while the referee sounds like a girlfriend in a gangster movie. He lights the car on fire and jabronis put the fire out, and of course, Cena walks out without a scratch on him. He beats the hell out of JBL and now tosses HIM in the front seat of a car, then commandeers a forklift. He rams the car with the lift, doing no serious damage, then lifts the car up and drives it out to the ring. The crowd is cheering because they don't have to watch a match they paid $200 to see on a video screen 50 feet away. They fight on the entranceway, where Cena gives JBL a back suplex on the stage. Five Knuckle Shuffle on the stage sets up an FU attempt onto the car, but JBL reverses and tosses Cena off the stage and onto the windshield (it's not as impressive as it sounds) and, surprisingly, it gets the pin.
Winner: JBL
-This whole thing was a total mess, but that's expected. The spots were OK, but the lack of' blood (especially after going through GLASS) was offsetting and out of place. I mean, Cena had blood on his arms after taking the bump onto the windshield, but he went through a car window with his HEAD and didn't even get a scrape, so I'm not buyin' what they are sellin'. ** for the bumping, but it really wasn't that good and was too long.
-A cell phone poll reveals that the fans sympathize with Edge over Vickie. Well of course, Vicki isn't attractive and the wedding planner is.
Eddie should have married this....but she was probably 10 at the time
-Recap video of course. However, that's not the real reason I'm happy, the reason is because they recycled the Macho Man-Elizabeth first dance song for the video montage. It's on that WWE Anthology CD set, which is well worth the money.
WWE World Title
HHH vs. Edge
That's probably the least amount of letters that can be used in a main event marquee...minus HHH vs. JBL, but really who would want to pay to see THAT? Edge launches himself at HHH at the bell, but gets overanxious and HHH is able to toss him over the top and to the floor. HHH follows him out and whips him hard into the security barrier, then brings him back inside the hard way. He clotheslines Edge's neck on the top rope, then follows with a pair of kneedrops. He sends Edge hard to the corner, then hits him from behind with a clothesline, sending Edge to ringside. HHH stays on him, but Edge recovers and drops HHH head first on the security wall. Back inside, Edge works him over in the corner and delivers a spear against the turnbuckles. 50 yard field goal kick to the chest hurts Hunter and a whip to the corner puts him down. Edge drags him outside and then introduces HHH to the ringside steps, then Edge follows up with posing. Always a good way to gain crowd approval as a heel. HHH's head meets the Smackdown announce table, and then there's a quick two count back inside the ring. Edge, with his massive teeth, works a body scissors to stay on the chest and rib region (which is popular tonight) and gets a couple of near falls off of it. HHH manages to fight on top of Edge and a couple right hands are enough to convince Edge to let go, but he walks into a dropkick which gets two for Lita's old slampiece. With HHH on the apron, Edge tries a spear through the rope, but HHH sidesteps him and Edge crashes to the floor.
Back in the ring, HHH fights back and does some slugging, then hits a hard clothesline. Edge puts his head down too early and HHH makes him pay with a facebuster, so he rolls to the outside to escape. HHH doesn't let him breathe and rams his head against the ring steps and the post. Edge comes back by going to the ribs and then hits an Impaler DDT on the floor for the double KO. Edge rolls a limp HHH back into the ring but only gets a two count. Edge tries a dropkick from the second rope, but HHH catches him, catapults him into the corner, then follows it up with a DDT of his own for two. Pedigree attempt is countered by Edge into the Edge-o-matic, but that only gets two as well. HHH dodges a spear attempt and gets a rollup, but Edge kicks out at two and then boots HHH in the face for another double KO. They are going for the exhaustion sell here. Edge sets him up for a spear, but Hunter catches him with a spinebuster that would make Arn Anderson proud and tries a Pedigree, but is driven into the corner. Edge perches him on the top and brings him down the hard way with a superplex for another double KO.
Our wedding planner, Alicia Fox, bounces down to ringside (literally) and hands the WWE Title to Edge. Vicki Guerrero draws a pretty nice pop when she runs down, slower of course, and clotheslines Fox down. Vicki gets in the ring with the belt, shoves the referee out of the way, but now theres a (cue Joey Styles voice) CATFIGHT!! CAAAAAAAATFIGHT!!! While the referee is trying to separate them, Edge tries to spear Alicia but accidently nails Vicki. Aw shit, that sucks for you, sir. HHH takes advantage and hits the Pedigree for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: HHH
Final Word
Edge-HHH was basically an big angle wrapped in a match, but Jericho-HBK is well worth the look. I wouldn't spend the money to buy the whole thing, because the rest of the matches are very bland and seen a million different times on Monday Night. Download the Jericho match and watch them put on a very different kind of show.
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